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7 Steps to Heal from a Break Up

Contrary to common belief, time does not heal all wounds but God can. Time has no healing power. Jesus is the healer:

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds

If not dealt with, no matter how much time has passed, the loneliness, grief and pain felt after a failed relationship and break up can be crippling.  The heart is the source of life, once broken, you may find yourself in repeated cycles of brokenness, carrying your past pains into your present relationship.

Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were several broken relationships I found myself in. After my last break up, I did several things that allowed God to heal my heart almost immediately to the point where my friends were in disbelief and amazed. I didn’t experience the loneliness, bitterness, anger, low self-worth, resentment, and regret that some people do after a break up. I didn’t find myself snooping on my ex’s social media accounts reminiscing or trying to see who was the new boo. I didn’t experience the severity of what many people deal with after a break up. And you don’t have to either!

It’s imperative that you are intentional about becoming whole after a break up. Healing from a break up requires spiritual and practical efforts.

So, here are the 7 steps to help you heal from your break up:

  1. Date Jesus.

    You’re single now. You now have more time to spend with the Lord. Seek him more in prayer and devotion. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” After all, Jesus, is our heavenly husband.

  2. Remove any reminders.

    Remove everything that connect and reminds you of your ex. His or her phone number, social media accounts, gifts, pictures, letters, or anything else unique to your relationship. This may be hard but it is a necessary practical step.

  3. Break soul ties.

    Depending on the length and extent of your relationship, there’s a good chance a soul tie has been created. A soul tie is like a linkage in the soul realm between two people. In marriage or healthy relationships this is beneficials but during a break up – not so much. You’re going to have to sever that thing! If your souls are still knit together in anyway it’s going to make it difficult to move on. During your next date with Jesus, pray and ask Him to break your soul tie. (a guided prayer to break soul ties is included in our Resource well)

  4. Forgive Yourself.

    Thoughts of everything you did wrong leading to your break up may be flooding your mind. “Should’ves”, “could’ves”, “would’ves”… it’s time to move on. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. You’ll be unable to move on if you are carrying regret, shame and/or guilt.

  5. Forgive Your Ex.

    Here’s a big one. Decide to love and forgive your ex as God wants you to. No matter how severe the offense, God still requires you to forgive. By commanding you to forgive, God is looking out for you. Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender, it really hurts you. Carrying around bitterness weighs you down, clouds your relationship with God, and blocks your ability to love others.

  6. Personal Growth.

    Now is a great time to focus on becoming a better you and prepare for the right one. Work on developing your gifts, finding your purpose, and pursuing your passions. This will bring you so much fulfillment you won’t have time to think about your ex or break up! *smile*

  7. Avoid Rebounding.

    The fastest way to re-puncture your broken heart is to get into a new relationship too soon.  Pray and ask God to reveal the one and avoid counterfeits. The devil is an opportunist, he would love for you to enter a new relationship that could be worse than the one you came out of.

My prayer is that your heart is restored and that you prepare yourself for that special one. Once I successfully applied the above steps in my life I found healing and true love. Breakups are now a thing of the past!


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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She’s also a pastor’s wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.

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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She's also a pastor's wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.
  1. Reply

    Spending time with Jesus – and taking our time with the healing process

  2. Reply

    Great tips – I love “Date Jesus” That’s the main gist of my next book. So important (even for women who are married)

  3. Reply

    These are great tips! It’s so important to allow Jesus to fill our heart and not think that any other relationship can fill that gap.

  4. Reply

    Such good advice, for those going through the aftermath of a broken relationship. But I also think these things are good steps for growing closer to Christ. Thanks for sharing. – Amy
    http://stylingrannymama.com/

  5. Reply

    These are some great points. I love the clarity that your posts have for the points you are making. I think forgiveness is such an important point for this and all relationships really.

  6. Reply

    Break soul ties! That is huge! I love all your suggestions. Thank you!

  7. Reply

    It is important to heal those soul wounds and allow yourself the appropriate time before moving forward in another relationship. This can apply to any kind of relationship. Great words of wisdom here 🙂

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