5 Questions that Saved Me from Marrying the Wrong One

Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were two men whom I thought would one day be my “husband.” I’m immensely grateful that I listened to God when He spoke to my heart and told me not to settle. I almost did but by His grace, I didn’t.

I often see people, women especially, who settle in their relationships. Maybe it’s because they deal with loneliness.  Maybe they believe their biological clock is ticking or they simply want to fulfill their need for companionship.  Or, hey, maybe they just want to have a little “fun”.  I reached a point when I knew God didn’t want me to compromise or settle for less than His best, the perfect partner that aligned with my purpose and destiny.

One day while listening to a message by my then pastor on “unequally yoked relationships,” I found myself reflecting on several questions concerning the relationship I was in. When I honestly asked myself the following questions I had a hard pill to swallow:

1.Do you find yourself sinning against God now that you’re in a relationship rather than when you were single? (Me: Yup)

2.How often does the person that you’re in a relationship with initiate spiritual things like, prayer, devotions, bible studies, & witnessing? (Me: Ummm.. never) And when you suggests those things, what is their attitude like? (Me: Indifferent pretty much described it)

3.Does the relationship help you grow spiritually? (Me: Nope)

4.What kind of example has your relationship been setting at your church? Does the relationship help others? Has it been a good witness? (Me: ummm… he doesn’t go to church faithfully, not at all really.)

5.If the person knew your walk was being hindered because of the relationship, would they walk away from you for a season to allow you to get your walk with God together because that’s most important? (long story short – no)

So there I was forced to face the reality of the relationship I was in. I was in shock and disappointed in myself.  I didn’t understand how I ended up in a situation so destructive to my emotional and spiritual health. I had a tough decision to make.  Soon after our relationship ended.

Moving on, I was no longer interested in dating someone simply to satisfy my human desire for companionship. As a result to my obedience, my marriage today is everything God promised and I’m happily married to the right one.

I was once told who you marry is the second greatest decision after accepting Christ. I couldn’t agree more. After all marriage is an reflection of Jesus’ relationship to the Church (you & I). Marriage is God’s idea, so the spouse we choose should be centered around Him.

Do you have any advice on marriage & finding/choosing the right one?

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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She’s also a pastor’s wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.

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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She's also a pastor's wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.
  1. Reply

    What great self reflection questions!

  2. Reply

    So important that we seek God’s wisdom

  3. Reply

    I love this! I just got married about two months ago and these were all questions that I brought up before we tied the knot! Thanks for sharing.

  4. Reply

    Great advice! Praying that many young women would be blessed by this

  5. Reply

    Hence why we need to pray for God’s will in all areas of our lives

  6. These are some amazing questions to ask!! It’s so important to be able to look at things from the outside and get as much help as possible when choosing who we marry.

    • Kenya
    • March 13, 2017

    Woah! These are some very interesting questions that should be asked

  7. Reply

    Those are great questions. I hope many gals (and guys) find them to help them evaluate the relationship they are in.

  8. Reply

    How wonderful that you took the time to evaluate your relationship in that way and realize that it was not beneficial to your first love – Chrsit!

  9. Reply

    These are big and real questions! I would only add, “Do I love this person because who he is and all he inspires me to be, or am I attached to how he makes me feel/how being associated with him makes me feel?” Because that was my struggle, honestly. I was very self-seeking in relationships previous to my husband. I didn’t really admire those boys (it was high school), and when I got to know my husband (then friend), I was blown away by his character, his integrity, and his heart. Food for thought.

    • Tara
    • March 21, 2017

    These are the perfect questions. I don’t think people take who they date seriously enough. I was once told you could end up married to anyone you date, so choose carefully!

  10. Reply

    Great questions to ask, but I have to admit that when I was younger, I would never have thought of going that deep. How many 20 somethings have that type of relationship with God to where they think to ask deep questions?

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