Is the Proverbs 31 Woman Even Real?

The first few times I read through Proverbs 31 were not intentional. Most of my understanding of her came from others. When I finally decided to intentionally look into this woman – I quickly closed my bible and said, “Umm yea, this woman is not real, I can’t relate.” Why? Well for one, I don’t like to cook or clean, I appreciate my sleep, I don’t know how to sew (takes me 30 minutes just to get the thread in the needle head), and at that time in my life, I was working and in school full-time (do people still farm? – don’t judge me I’m a city girl). I just didn’t have a connection with or understanding of this infamous woman.

Fast forward a few years; I found myself married with a beautiful baby girl. I always had a desire to support my home and serve my husband and children but when it came time to doing it, let’s just say a girl struggled just a little bit in a few areas. My attitude about it all wasn’t always the best either. To make matters worse, my areas of struggle were directly related to my husband’s #1 love language, acts of service.

Ugh! The reality of being a Proverbs 31 woman just didn’t seem realistic or appealing. So what I did is what I always do when I face challenges in life, go to my papa – God!

After years of skipping and glazing over chapter 31 of the book of Proverbs. I finally decided to not just read but study the chapter with intention and purpose. What I discovered was amazing and within a day’s time, my heart, attitude and perspective of this woman changed. I’m delighted to be able to share my revelation with you on who the Proverbs 31 woman really is.

1. She’s not a real woman:

What? Yea, seriously. I used to think she was a real woman just nameless like the Woman at the Well. However, the Proverbs 31 woman was a description of a woman, King Lemuel’s mother gave to teach him as a young boy the qualities to look for in a wife. This truth freed me of comparison. Every quality I struggled with didn’t make me less than, now I just saw them as areas I had the opportunity to grow in.

2.  She was actually single:

Think about it. King Lemuel’s mother was actually referring to single women since these were qualities she encouraged her son to look for in a future wife. Sooooo…. that means becoming a proverbs 31 woman starts while single not when you say “I do.” (Oops… I sorta missed that memo but I’m getting it together now). I find that many single women view the Proverbs 31 woman as something they become in the future if/when they get married and have children but nope, this is for the now preparing for later.

 3. She’s a Queen:

The description of the Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t just about any ol’ housewife who wore an apron all day. She was royalty! We’re talking about the wife-to-be of a king, remember? She’s a Queeeen! (She’s Your Queeeeen lyrics from Coming to America just popped in my head. Ha!). She washelping her king run a kingdom. A Queen knows her position, value and authority in her kingdom.

4.  She’s a BOSS:  

 This point is my favorite! The Proverbs 31 woman loved God and her family but she was also about her business literally. For whatever reason, she is typically coined as a wife and mother who domestically serves her home and family, but after categorizing each verse her qualities are equally divided.  1/3 of her qualities were about her soul and her relationship with God, another 1/3 focused on her domestic abilities to manage and support her home and family, and the final third showed that she was business-wise and entrepreneurial. This woman didn’t just sit at home cooking and cleaning all day. Nope! She was also using her gifts, talents and expertise to bring in income for her family. However, she was balanced and prioritized while doing it all. I was excited to see the importance of this quality in her life. I’m all about pursuing purpose and using our gifts as women.

As cliché as the Proverbs 31 woman might be to some, she is truly a woman I strive to be. A woman of God who fully understands her worth and value, happily married, with successful relationships with her husband, children and community but yet a wise and a bomb business woman.

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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She’s also a pastor’s wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.

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Aleida Lane teaches women of faith how to prosper from the inside out by growing spiritually and building happy/healthy homes & businesses. She's also a pastor's wife, mommy & founder The Best You Blog & Boutique.
    • Traci
    • February 22, 2017

    Proverbs 31 is a fascinating study (and it takes us off the hook so to speak)! You’ll enjoy this article I read a few years back explaining some more information on this important passage.

    1. Reply

      Traci! Thank you for sharing! I will certainly read it!

  1. Reply

    She is an ideal for what God’s woman is to be

  2. Reply

    So I think, as a wife and mother, that Proverbs 31 is a good way to pray for yourself, adapting for you. It’s an inspiration to me too: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” I set that as a goal for myself a few years back and feel it coming to fruition now. I can laugh at the future because of my trust in my salvation, and my trust that I’m growing into the wife and mom God wants me to be. 🙂

  3. Reply

    I love her duties were in thirds just like Father, Son and Holy Spirit but one woman and one God! Does it get any better than that? I love the fact that God does not compare us to anyone else, but that He created us perfectly with everything we need!

  4. Reply

    It’s sad that what God uses to encourage we can so often tangle to discourage. I’ve been there too and felt deflated by not being able to do all that she does. When we take a step back and see that over all she loved God, loved those around her (family, etc), took care of others in need and wasn’t idle, it’s a lot easier to take in an see that her calling is our calling too – Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love others as you love yourself!

  5. Reply

    The woman God has planned, I would love to be a Prov 31 woman

  6. Reply

    Ha I LOVE your take on the Proverbs 31 woman!

  7. Reply

    I appreciate your help on this matter! Honestly if the proverbs 31 woman had been a for real, all in one package… I would have thrown a shoe at her. It’s freeing to know I can aspire to have her character and her attitude even if her perfection is quite unattainable.

  8. Reply

    I love all the descriptions of the Proverbs 31 woman and I chose verses from this chapter for a couple of my grand-daughters life verses. Thank you.

  9. Reply

    Nancy Leigh DeMoss (now Wolgemuth) has a great study on the Proverbs 31 woman that I went through years ago. It’s revolutionary.

  10. Reply

    Aleida, I absolutely love your perspective on this! I have read that passage many times. I’ve read books on that passage and none of them ever mentioned the things you did. I really needed to hear this at this particular time in my life. Thank you! – Amy

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